When Parenting Styles Don't Match

So here's my big question: What do you do when you and your husband are not on the same page with parenting? I feel like our kids are getting mixed messages from us and are confused. My kids listen to me because they know I will follow through. My husband yells and threatens, but there is no consistency and no follow through. They push his buttons til he is angry and THEN they listen. Help?

That's a great question and one that parents have been struggling with for decades, perhaps centuries. You hit on some very key points in parenting, ones on which I'd like to elaborate.

First of all, follow through is key! If you say you are going to do something, then you have to do it. So be careful with your threats. Kids should know that when you speak; you mean it. Everyone, even kids, recognizes an empty threat.

Next, remember this simple rule. The first one who yells, loses. If your kids can push you to the point of anger that you yell, you lose. Think about it this way; once you yell, you have lost control, right? And if you aren't in control, then they are.

Third, proximity over volume. Do you really want your kids to do what you say? Move closer to them. Don't yell from across the room. Sitting across the room and yelling doesn't really send a message that you mean business. Most "yellers" will move closer to their kids only when they've gotten angry. The end result is the same. You are going to eventually have to get up and move to where the kids are anyway. So why not do so before you get angry and lose control? I say again, if you lose control, they are in control.

And lastly, and this is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, consistency is vital. The rules can't change because you are tired, or because you had a hard day at the office, or because you need 5 minutes to yourself. The boundaries can't shift because you are in a good mood either. Consistency is the key everyday, in every situation. If you will take just two days and be very consistent, you will be astounded at the difference in your household. You'll be exhausted, but you'll be astounded in a positive way! Two days.

If you and your husband can get on the same page with these few parenting tips, then you'll be well on your way to a harmonious household!

I'd also encourage your husband to read one of my most favorite parenting books, "The Key to Your Child's Heart," by Gary Smalley. What I love about this book is how honestly flawed Gary Smalley is as a dad. He tells a story right off the bat about a big parenting mistake he made. It's a real book about a real dad, and I think it makes it very easy for real dads to read.