When Parenting Styles Don't Match

So here's my big question: What do you do when you and your husband are not on the same page with parenting? I feel like our kids are getting mixed messages from us and are confused. My kids listen to me because they know I will follow through. My husband yells and threatens, but there is no consistency and no follow through. They push his buttons til he is angry and THEN they listen. Help?

That's a great question and one that parents have been struggling with for decades, perhaps centuries. You hit on some very key points in parenting, ones on which I'd like to elaborate.

First of all, follow through is key! If you say you are going to do something, then you have to do it. So be careful with your threats. Kids should know that when you speak; you mean it. Everyone, even kids, recognizes an empty threat.

Next, remember this simple rule. The first one who yells, loses. If your kids can push you to the point of anger that you yell, you lose. Think about it this way; once you yell, you have lost control, right? And if you aren't in control, then they are.

Third, proximity over volume. Do you really want your kids to do what you say? Move closer to them. Don't yell from across the room. Sitting across the room and yelling doesn't really send a message that you mean business. Most "yellers" will move closer to their kids only when they've gotten angry. The end result is the same. You are going to eventually have to get up and move to where the kids are anyway. So why not do so before you get angry and lose control? I say again, if you lose control, they are in control.

And lastly, and this is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, consistency is vital. The rules can't change because you are tired, or because you had a hard day at the office, or because you need 5 minutes to yourself. The boundaries can't shift because you are in a good mood either. Consistency is the key everyday, in every situation. If you will take just two days and be very consistent, you will be astounded at the difference in your household. You'll be exhausted, but you'll be astounded in a positive way! Two days.

If you and your husband can get on the same page with these few parenting tips, then you'll be well on your way to a harmonious household!

I'd also encourage your husband to read one of my most favorite parenting books, "The Key to Your Child's Heart," by Gary Smalley. What I love about this book is how honestly flawed Gary Smalley is as a dad. He tells a story right off the bat about a big parenting mistake he made. It's a real book about a real dad, and I think it makes it very easy for real dads to read.

Know Your Role

Welcome to Mom Math - Parenting that Adds Up. From my vast storehouse of wisdom, I will share with you the many joys, sorrows, triumphs and failures I have experienced as a mom. Many of you are just starting the long parenting journey, a journey that will be filled with adventure, and fun, and heartache, and stress, and joy . . . and all of that could happen in one day!

Each month, I will post a topic that I think will be of interest to you, my readers, but I also welcome your feedback as to what you want to know. What are you struggling with as a mom? What keeps you up at night? What are some questions you have about parenting, but just won't ask any of your friends because you think it's a dumb question? Those are the things I want to help you with.

In the meantime, let's talk a little bit about your role as a mom. If you are a married mom, then your number one job is to love and respect your husband. You will be astounded at how much easier parenting is if you get that part right!

Ephesians 5:33 says, “So again I say, a man must love his wife as a part of himself; and the wife must see to it that she deeply respects her husband – obeying, praising and honoring him."

Why does God tell men to love and women to respect? I can't say for sure. I'm not a biblical scholar, but I do know this, more often than not, homes don’t fall apart because wives stop loving their husbands, they fall apart because they stop respecting them.

Part of respecting your husband is to allow him to be the spiritual leader of your home. I did say ALLOWING him. Many of us don’t think our husbands can do it, or we say something like, “I tried to let him be the spiritual leader once, but he never would be.” And we react to that by continuously picking up the reins for him.

So I say to you moms, know your role. Love your husband like crazy, but shower him with your respect. Admire the way he leads your family. And let him know it!

As the Rock would say, "Know your role!"